The Dreaded 'Start' To A New Journey

I've decided to make this blog not just about music but about me. After all, this is what the reggae nomad journey is about, self discovery. 

One of the battles like so many I face is the 'Self Doubt' 'Fear of Failure' this little voice in the back of the mind that tries to stop you from starting what your soul keeps leading you to do. 

No matter how much I am aware of what I have done and can do before I start any DJ Set, interview, business meeting or even before I host a show, anxiety and doubt appears.

Not every time this feeling arises does it become debilitating, most times it's a simple breathe exercise or conversation in my head reminding myself of myself.

Typing this and hearing how it sounds in my head I think to some of you may seem strange. But I believe more of you know exactly what I speak of, just some have mastered their confidence technique or advanced in their self discovery enough where these type of mental 'demons' have been conquered. 

I wish someone broke down the power of the mind earlier in my life, it would have saved me a lot of self inflicted pain and 'toxic' situations. But truth is our brains are computers... the first computer, and what we program plays the biggest factor in what we receive and where we go in life. 

So when it came to my obsessive thoughts about touring around the world just to see how others enjoyed the music. How they translate it for their own culture, environment and spirituality that same negative voice would creep right in.

How are you going to do it? You know nothing about marketing... What makes you think you're so special to be the one to do this? Can you really handle all this alone? Remember image matters, so dress/look the part.... Yea, just SOME of the instant thoughts that invade my brain. 

But then there is the tiny voice that says... Everything in life has lead you here, I always tell you that you can do it and you do, Out of many you have made yourself an iconic voice in the industry, to connect with people/the people is part of your destiny. 

I say tiny voice only because the negative voice pounds inside my brain louder until I do the work to silence it. This is the part of my journey that lead me to isolation, me thinking silencing everything would help me avoid anything that could trigger that negative voice.

Truth is while solidarity is good, self reflection...  for me I never faced that negative voice in the right way, I haven't fully gotten to the place where it's silenced or volume lowered enough for more of the tiny voice to amplify. To do this I have to go back to the basic of brain training, reassess what being human and human interaction truly means to me.

To not see the world as if I am an outside spectator but as a participator, someone who feels comfortable with receiving 'help''love', someone who doesn't get stomach cramps for intimate/personal interactions, someone who starts an idea regardless of the self doubt because I know that the one thing worse than failure is NEVER MAKING THE EFFORT.

So many meet me and swear I have it figured out, I don't, not sure anyone does but I have made the decision to not fight the tiny voice anymore. To put in the extra effort to elevate that voice, trust myself, trust this journey and LIVE!

I thank you for all the support my fellow nomadz... 

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